On Communications

By Ray "PtaRay" Bilodeau

"Proper presentation of a few words at the right time, is far better then too many words at the wrong time"

Take the example that so many kids today use when you are trying to discipline them and you are not their parent.

You say "hey, I don't think you should be hitting that other kid. The tough guy says: You can't do anything to me, so shut up... you can't touch me!! (ah yes, the well known adult restraint ploy), on the surface you are right... you can't, uhm..well you SHOULDN'T...and this is where slightly modified view is crucial...

Most would say I'm calling the police, or I'm reporting you to the authorities, or maybe just get scared and toss their hands in the air and do nothing but get intimidated.

(Note: I am not suggesting violence here, just the thought of the prospect IN HIS MIND)

I might say to our tough guy: Hey your right, I SHOULDN'T touch you, but since you are beating that poor kid, and that's wrong, I want to make this very clear to you... I CAN TOUCH YOU, I will get in trouble for it, but I will still have touched you and while I shouldn't, it does not mean I can't!.... people do things they are not supposed to do all the time , just like you are doing now, but it still happens doesn't it!?

Now while this is an extreme case I am using, the point is simple... in fact you can at times see the light-bulb go "ding" !..over their heads when they put that logic together in their minds, and in many cases at the early stages of this behavior this is sometimes enough to make a difference.

Just a thought from me to you. Not the magic bullet, but it is food for thought.