Preparing Foundations For Educational Success; Family, School, and Community

By Bob Stoody

Whose responsibility is it "to raise up a child"?

This is a real story. I was visiting a north coastal San Diego County school, in an advisory capacity about 13 years ago, when the saga of Jessica's "home life" unveiled itself before me.

This event began about a decade earlier when Jessica's mother didn't think that it was important to marry the father. After Jessica's birth the responsibilities and daily routine took it's toll. The father's dedication, to the mother and daughter, soon ended. It was easy to move on, as they were just "shacking up". Jessica's mother tried hard to make a life for both her and the child, until she decided to give up too.

Do you believe that Jessica would have been ready to take her "Star Test" the following day?

Board memebers are often asked "How can parents help their children do better in school?"

Below are some of the results from a survey (of 217,277 students grade 6-12, in 318 communities and 33 states). This survey became part of the report "40 Developmental Assets". In identifying these assets it was revealed that only:

48% of the families had clear rules and consequences and monitored their child's whereabouts.

30% of parent(s) and other adults modeled positive, responsible behavior.

30% of the families communicate positively, and the young person was willing to seek advice and counsel from the parent(s). [Probably because of the previous statistic.]

34% of the parent(s) were actively involved in their child's success in school

Want your child to do better in school? Let's start at the beginning.

FAMILY - Overwhelming research (and common sense) has shown that children do best in a two-parent household; that has the loving relationship, of a mother and a father, with marital commitment (even after taking socioeconomic status into account). The attributes of both, masculine and feminine, are best to balance a child's upbringing. In addition to overall higher test scores and lower dropout rates, children in this setting are more likely to; have a better relationship with both parents (especially their father), enjoy better physical and mental health, and go on to higher education. They are less likely to; be abused (or to become an abuser), be raised in poverty, get involved in premarital sex-drugs-or alcohol, or attempt suicide (than those who live in a household affected by divorce or a failure to marry). The exception to the above is "when a marriage partner, or parent, is destructive". Destructive is more than just one, or both parents, "not being happy, or fulfilled". Yes, studies show that the kids fair better, living with unhappy parents, than they do with the aftermath of a divorce, or separation.

So if you are planning for (or conducting yourself in a manner which could yield) children, then take the responsibility now to make the choices, and personal adjustments, that will increase the possibility of providing this two-parent setting.

If you are divorced (or never married) and you already have children at home; statistically it is best that you remain unmarried (unless it is proper to reconcile) so you can focus on the children's needs without diluting their time, (or adding even more drama and confusion to their lives).

Data also proves that unmarried cohabitation will further decrease your children's chances for success, while multiplying their risk of abuse and other dysfunctions. (Although boyfriends contribute less than 2 percent of non-parental childcare, they commit half of all reported child abuse by non-parents.)

For those that are married you can improve your child's success by; building, investing, and protecting the relationship with your spouse.

Data further confirms that the best situation, for raising & educating children, is for one parent to work and one parent to be at home (during the hours and days when the children are home). Children are not pets or furniture, so if you plan to treat your future child as a pet (by not being prepared to personally raise them), or storing them somewhere as furniture, then it would be better that you not to plan to have them, until you are ready to raise them. Many teachers, with school age children, are "stay at home parents". They have picked a profession that allows them to be at home when their children are. If you are a one-parent family, your task (of juggling both responsibilities; income and child rearing) will be harder and this is respected. So if you want to increase your child's academic scores (among other things), then review your priorities & lifestyle to see if you can accomplish having one parent "stay at home" when the children are. Consider your first and foremost responsibility to be your kids. Work your career around your family + and not the other way around. An old man, when asked on his deathbed "what he would have done different", stated that he would have spent more time with his family. [Not; acquire more things, a bigger house, or increased professional status.]

A study of immigrant families was conducted to try to find out why Asian immigrants, as a group, were excelling academically. The conclusion was the fact that "in the Asian culture it is common for the whole family to be involved a child's education". A year ago a local study (from UCSD) traced scholastic progress across demographics. What was the common denominator of success? Family support. Ask a teacher if (generally) they can tell the difference, in performance, between a student where the family is involved versus students who are "on their own" (or in institutionalized daycare for much of the time).

Please be directly involved in all of your child's life, then volunteer; in your child's class, with your school's PTA / PTSA, youth sports, and other services. Communicate with, and get to know, your child's teacher(s) and principal(s). Teach your child "to respect and appreciate those in authority over them", by word and example. [The number of parents who have challenged, or tried to undermine, the modesty of our dress code, has shocked me...yes, exposed body parts are a distraction to adolescents trying to learn or take a test.] Finally, I encourage you to contact your; elected (and un-elected officials) to make sure they pass (and act on) Family, and Education, Friendly Legislation and Policies, and verify that judges conduct Historically Accurate, Constitutionally Correct, Judicial Decisions.

SCHOOL - In the Ramona Unified School District "We Respect the Rights of Families, So Parents Can Carry Out Their Responsibilities", though we fall short of this at times.

As outlined, in the book "It Takes A Family", by Rick Santorum, the "Village" will never be able to properly replace the "Family's" role in "Raising a Child", but we can assist, and attempt to proxy, where proper. We are fortunate to have such caring teachers, support staff, and volunteers in our district [many of the first two classifications are part of the third, as well as being previous students].

We are striving, as a district, to be responsible with the resources and responsibilities entrusted to us; to teach academics, impart skills, and build upon the positive character and value traits instilled in the home. In this approach we have adjusted our Board Policies to go beyond the basic "family friendly" options, but to more greatly reflect a family friendly attitude. From the recognition that "Families Are the Cornerstone of Our Society" in Policy BP 6020(a), to the adjustment of our Homework Policy BP 6154(a), declaring that the Board expects "students, parents/guardians and staff to have a balanced view of homework, extracurricular activities and family time".

Our new supporting statement to our Mission Statement has also been adjusted to lift up the status families; "we will partner with parents/guardians and collaborate with the community" Additionally, we (as a district) have provided alternative choices for those parents wishing to be more involved in their child's daily education such as the opportunity for the district to team with K-12 parents (who opt for home schooling) through Mountain Valley Academy. In an attempt to provide even more choices in public education for families, the district granted the charter of Sun Valley Charter School.

COMMUNITY - A society void of values does not exist, though many have made reference to it with statements such as; "Who am I (or you) to judge?" Reality reveals that every rule, law or decision is based on someone's values. This is why the community is so important, including some of the supports provided by our government, though some go too far and make a god out of government.

My father tells of a childhood story about Mrs. Nellie Marchin, an elderly woman whose front porch presence would keep the neighborhood kids accountable and out of trouble. In this manner parents, and other community members, should inform and encourage other parents, giving them the option to do the right thing, by kindly letting the other parent(s) know things like; "Your son was trying to grind with a girl at the dance last night", "Your daughter arrived at school with her belly exposed today", or "Yesterday your son's pants were so low that it exposed his underwear". This is truly "loving your neighbor" for the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy and self indulgence (though inappropriate hate can be just one of the fruits of self indulgence). Community resources in Ramona are plentiful yet always needed, become one.

We as a district accept our responsibilities, and continually seek ways to empower and excel "with the hand we are dealt" without excuse (and a great deal of success), but ultimately... It takes a family to raise up a child.