Your Rent Is Too Damn High, Says Vulcan by Mark Gonzaga

By Mark Gonzaga

We apologize but we were unable to put the correct Russian translation on Smart Voter. So we are putting on an article by Mark.

Before I ran for the West Hollywood City Council, I was a Los Angeles Police Department officer―in 1928. At least, I was in the hit movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit? You've seen me in The New Twilight Zone, The A-Team, A Different World, and La Bamba, where I played a classmate of the rock legend Ritchie Valens. I may even have been in your hotel room: Sheraton put my mug in its brochures.

But my favorite role by far was Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country. I played a pointy-eared Vulcan in a scene with the original Star Trek cast, reunited for the last time.

It was surreal, showing up at Paramount at 2 a.m. to have my ears pointed and eyebrows partially shaved and arched, to stand among the greats of television history, the cast of the Federation starship Enterprise. To chat with the Klingon Princess Azetbar, Rosanna Desotto, and Kim Cattrall of Sex And The City as the Vulcan saboteur, Valeris, and Christopher Plummer (Capt. Von Trapp in the "Sound of Music") as Klingon General Chang. To have Spock's dad, Ambassador Sarek (Mark Lenard), approach me to have breakfast, both in our raw silk Vulcan attire.

And now, I have been cast as Ambassador Sarek, for Star Trek Phase II.

Have you ever seen a high-rise or shopping mall on Vulcan? No, because unchecked suburban growth is illogical.

Yet there are at least fourteen buildings over 3 stories under development in West Hollywood, at least 6 over 10 stories. These megashopping complexes and office phalluses will rape the skyline and cause your rent to go sky-high. And the rent is too damn high already.

If you own a house, the city can seize it and force you out to make way for big developments. And the West Hollywood city council is in bed with the crooks.

Believe me, I know crooks: my family, the House of Gonzaga, descends from the infamous Medicis, who ruled much of Italy for centuries by buying political leaders. I won't go quite that far.

But you might, once you hear how the other candidates for city council are helping the developers prepare to kick you out. The incumbents have made secret deals with developers to build high-rises where apartments and homes used to stand. And two of the challengers have both accepted huge amounts of money for their campaigns from lobbyists or developers, despite bashing the incumbents for doing so.

Their ears aren't pointed: their noses are.

My solution? First, I will outlaw tall buildings. I will make sure that developers can't change local zoning laws, and that no one gives incentives for building apartment complexes.

And the tall buildings that are here already? The 2005 Supreme Court case of Kelo v. New London says we can condemn developers' property, in the name of the public good.

Second, when the developers try to force you out, if landlords and their realty companies show a pattern of fraud, then I will make sure the district attorney applies the RICO statutes (Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act). This statute provides for the forfeiture of assets. You can take the fat cats to the cleaners!

Third, the apartment complexes that are there should offer free housing to community college students, university students, and graduate students. This would be done in conjunction with the State University of California system. In exchange, some of their classes would have to be conducted at whatever community center the apartment complex has. The college students would also have tutoring and mentoring obligations to apartment residents and their children.

I will also pass legislation to give free rent to (a) teachers, (b) policemen, (c) firefighters, and (d) returning Iraq and Afghanistan veterans. All these groups must agree to be in a Big Brother/Big Sister program in the apartment complexes, and every new apartment complex must keep a certain percentage of these anchor tenants. Further, medical residents and dental residents should get free housing, in exchange for volunteering at an apartment health clinic for a few hours per week.

Fourth, each new apartment complex must have its own car-sharing or shuttle-bus program, so tenants can get to work. I will pass legislation mandating that public transportation be routed by these apartment complexes, with meaningful and easy access to locales of employment.

Unfortunately, the "undiscovered country" is a place where home-owners and renters have rights. Should your family be in the street? No?

Vote for Mark Gonzaga.

Do you deserve a home? If your answer is Yes, vote for Mark Gonzaga.

If your answer is No, vote for the other guys. (Oh, and tell your family your answer.)

I am the only candidate who will keep the fat cats from evicting you. I am an Animal Welfare Campaigner whose reporting of cruelty to animals resulted in pivotal ground-breaking laws passed in West Hollywood against pet stores and furs sales.

Live Long and Prosper: On March 8, vote Mark Gonzaga for West Hollywood City Council.

____________________________________________________________ Mark Gonzaga is a candidate for West Hollywood City Council. ___________________________________________________ END